you can make pork jerky, marinate strips of any meat for a day, then dehydrate either by a economical dehydrator or the oven on low, runs the oven for like 8 hours though....
As far as capes go, I goto strip club for first time a couple of days ago, the least enthusiastic stripper wore one and disrobed it perfectly as she hopped up onto the back stage. She was my favorite girl - no bullshit - give me your money and i'll show you asshole haha.
You also can save money if you don't look strippers directly in the eye.
This is an informative post for the information age.
trickyspeed
kinda